The Books of the Incarceration
of the Lady Grange
Whose Name is also nam'd Rachel Chiesley or Mrs. Erskine.
As written down by the Cherub of Desire
whose Voyages among the Seas, Islands, Creatures of her Dominion and across the parlous Landskips, Rivers, Lochs, Mountains, Chasms, Towns of Scotland will surely excite Awe in the Hearts of all that Read these Books containing also an Account of Misfortunes on St Kilda and other far-flung Places Stirling being among them. Much can be learn'd herein concerning the posterior Windiness of Seales, the aphrodisiacal Nature of Hats, the poetical Wealth of the Nation, the whirling birling Wheels of the Cars of the Cherubim; herein is also contain'd
a Catalogue of Cleits
a Catalogue of Hats
and a Cause for Remorse.
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Who am I I am the keeper of the brothel-house well-kent in Edinburgh it is nam'd The Caledonian Literary Discourse Club. The fine discursive gentlemen of the town form an orderly line from the striking of nine hours onwards outside my chambers inside I keep an orderly house. You women of Edinburgh ken it well to be true your men are safe enough with me discussing Art Oekonomics Poesy Politics the like they come home the happier they leave you in peace yet you never cease your complaints against me you wail that I have done you wrong.
Who are you you are the ladies who have never set dainty foot inside The Caledonian Literary Discourse Club who have ask'd me this have ask'd me that crying what for for why why now with never a break until I want to smack you about the heid for to stop your gabbing. But none has yet ask'd me for why do my seven meretricians labour so wild so hard so earnestly. It is the consider'd judgement of the ladies of Edinburgh that I have this house of carnal pleasures surely only for the benefit of the helpless men of that city that is of course so far from the truth of things that I should laugh until my hat falls to the floor. The siller the gold and the notes so promissory that tumble into my hands are design'd for one thing one thing alone that is the acquisition of excellent material for the construction of a Vessel such is my sole ambition the only ground and reason nay the only excuse for the forward frolicking of my several servant angels. My Vessel will be not like any Vessel seen before it will plough swifter through the foamy waves slice sharper through the Greeny Deeps run mightier o'er the Mossy Moors than the bloody flux itself. Even so shall it be that my Vessel will fly through the Misty Airs when so requir'd to do like yon whats it call'd yon avenging creature of the LORD that smites down from the pearly sky upon the sinners the wastrels the lairds of Scotland with fires pouring from its jaws brim-stone from its eyes boiling waxes from its lugs aye such will be The Lienteria as its name is nam'd.